"Let me start by saying this: I’ve learned the hard way. Critical thinking isn’t a skill that magically appears; it takes effort, self-awareness, and, most importantly, humility. I’ve had my blind spots and biases—times when I let my emotions or assumptions dictate my beliefs. But here’s the thing: I’ve done the work, and I’m still doing it every day.
The First Wake-Up Call: Feedback I Didn’t Want to Hear
Years ago, I was in a heated argument with my brother, and during a particularly emotional exchange, he said something that cut deep: “People are afraid to give you feedback because you get emotional and can’t handle it.” My first reaction? Defensiveness. But then, later that night, I reflected on what he had said. Even though he apologized afterwards, I knew there was some truth to it.
I realized this was a blind spot in my thinking—I wasn’t open to feedback that challenged me or my worldview. It wasn’t just about that one moment; it was a pattern. This was the first time I really dug deep to reflect, take ownership, and do the work on myself. If I wanted to be a better communicator, a better listener, and ultimately a better critical thinker, I had to learn how to process feedback without reacting emotionally.
The Heartbreak of Not Listening: My Children
The second moment was even more painful. It hit me when my daughter, then a young adult, started pulling away from me emotionally. She was sharing her experiences, but I wasn’t really listening. I was listening to respond, not to understand. I’d give advice, push my perspective, and assume I knew what was best for her. Then, my son followed suit, and I realized the heartbreaking truth: they didn’t feel heard by me.
I had to humble myself. It wasn’t about being right or offering the perfect solution. It was about listening—truly listening—to learn, to understand, and to acknowledge their experiences, which were different from mine. I had to accept that my decisions as a parent had impacted them in ways I hadn’t anticipated. This was a humbling experience, but it taught me the most valuable lesson: I didn’t need to be right. I needed to listen, to reflect, and to let their voices matter.
Becoming a Leader: It’s Not About Me
The third pivotal moment came when I stepped into leadership. I assumed I’d be the kind of leader I’d always wanted to be—clear, compassionate, and inspiring. But reality hit hard: I wasn’t as effective a communicator or leader as I thought I’d be. It became glaringly obvious that my narrow perspective was getting in the way. I was leading the way I wanted to be led, assuming my approach was the best or even the only way.
I had to learn quickly that leadership isn’t about being the smartest or the loudest in the room. It’s about serving your team—removing obstacles so they can thrive. I realized that my way wasn’t always the best way, and I needed to challenge my own assumptions and biases daily. I needed to broaden my perspective and actively invite feedback—not just from mentors but from my team itself. I had to be willing to be wrong, to learn from my mistakes, and to adapt for the sake of the team.
I’m still working on all of these, every single day. But here’s what’s different now: I’ve invited accountability from those around me. I’ve surrounded myself with people who aren’t afraid to challenge me, who hold me to a higher standard, and who help me see beyond my narrow lens. This keeps me from falling back into old habits, from becoming defensive when I don’t have all the answers, and from believing that “my way” is the only way.
What Critical Thinking Requires
These experiences taught me that critical thinking requires a lot more than just being "smart" or "informed." It requires vulnerability and the willingness to let go of the need to be right. It’s about truly listening, examining evidence, and constantly challenging your own assumptions. When I stopped assuming that my perspective was the default, I started to grow.
Key elements of critical thinking:
1. Open-mindedness: You can’t be a critical thinker if you aren’t willing to consider perspectives outside your own bubble.
2. Analysis: It’s not enough to just hear something. Break it down—where’s the evidence? What’s the source? Is it credible?
3. Self-regulation: This might be the hardest part. Are you aware of your biases? Are you only seeking out information that supports what you already believe?
Recognizing When You’re Falling for Conspiracies
It’s easy to get sucked into conspiracy theories. I get it. They simplify the world’s chaos into a neat little narrative where there’s always a villain. But real critical thinking means breaking down those simple narratives. Most conspiracy theories don’t hold up under scrutiny, but they thrive in environments where fear and a lack of trust prevail.
Here’s how to recognize when you might be falling for one:
Oversimplified explanations: If it’s too simple, it’s probably wrong.
Lack of credible evidence: Always look for facts from credible sources, not just a random post online or a YouTube video.
Villain narratives: When the story is framed around a clear-cut bad guy, it’s a red flag. Life is more complicated than that.
Avoiding the Trap of Confirmation Bias
I’ve been guilty of this more times than I care to admit: confirmation bias—seeking out information that aligns with what I already believe and ignoring anything that contradicts it. It’s sneaky and can happen without you even realizing it. But real growth happens when you actively challenge your own beliefs.
To combat confirmation bias, I’ve made it a habit to ask myself tough questions:
Am I only reading or listening to sources that confirm what I already believe?
Am I dismissing opposing viewpoints without really considering them?
When presented with new information, do I try to fit it into my current worldview, or do I evaluate it objectively?
Embrace a Learning Mindset
Here’s the key takeaway: we’re all learning. Every day is an opportunity to do better. I don’t have all the answers, and neither do you. But we can all commit to growing, to listening, to learning from those around us.
The next time you feel defensive when someone challenges your beliefs, pause. Take a breath and ask yourself: Why am I reacting this way? Is it because I’m being asked to rethink something I’m comfortable with? Am I holding onto this belief because it’s true, or because I want it to be true?
When we know better, we do better. Let’s challenge ourselves to embrace that learning mindset and surround ourselves with people who will help us grow, even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s not about being right—it’s about being better."
